I'm back! and talking about love?

Sorry for the unannounced hiatus. Apparently between the summer school, the just over one year old, and the growing a baby, I needed a break. So, I took one. Next time I hope to at least actively decide instead of spending a month promising myself I will write tomorrow.

Something this week really caught my eye. Don Miller, a Christian writer and blogger, wrote a 2 part series about how to write your love story. I wasn't a fan. Rachel Held Evans, a Christian writer and blogger disagreed with him, in a post I loved. Since then Don Miller has taken down his posts and issued an apology. I have always had a lot of respect for him as a writer, but never more than I do know. He really and truly exudes grace and truth....even when he gets it wrong. Rachel Held Evans is quickly becoming "my girl". Everything she writes I love and I can't wait till her new book is out!

Anyway, this whole dust up was about the incredibly controversial subject of....love stories. Right, not something I think of as controversial either. But it did get me thinking about love stories, how God writes them, why does he write them, who is the star etc. I was a teenager when the book "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" came out. And suddenly, every youth group was doing a series on courting vs. dating, love, purity. And every Christian author had something to say about Godly love stories and also how to not have sex outside of marriage. In fact, one summer we talked so much about what the Bible has to say about sex I remember telling my youth group leader if we continued to talk about NOT having sex and NOT thinking about sex I would start having it because all this talk about not having it made me think about it a whole lot more than I normally did. I don't know how well that went over, but really how much can possibly be said about how to keep your pants on?

But love, and love stories....I think there may be more to say on that. I have read more than one book on Christian dating that basically says the man needs to make all the moves, and the woman needs to wait...and wait... and don't say anything and wait. It is the man's adventure and he invites the woman to join him.

Surprise, surprise I never really followed those rules. I don't know....I guess it was just the whole waiting thing. I wasn't great at. Also, the not saying anything. I am terrible at that. Though I didn't ascribe to this whole thing, I had an opportunity to watch this play out a lot in college. I was involved in a major campus ministry that supported this model. Plus, I had an absolutely adorable roommate who fit more easily into this romantic mold than I did. And quite a few boys wanted to date her. So....every once in a while (but DEFINITELY more than once a semester, usually more than twice) a boy would show up to our room and I would make myself scarce because the boy would want to DEFINE THE RELATIONSHIP, or DTR. One of two things would happen. Either my roommate would be totally taken off guard and have to let this poor boy down gently, or she would ask for the opportunity to get to know the boy better and his feeling would be all hurt because he had really wanted to date my roommate and she just didn't know him well enough to say "Yes! I want to be your girlfriend." The other thing it did was encourage girls to pine away for whichever random boy caught her eye. She would build this boy up in her head as her perfect guy and maybe just maybe he would show up at the door one day and "define the relationship." On the occasion that the boy DID show up....the relationship was a disappointment because the girl was into the boy in her head and not the boy that actually existed.

It just all seemed so...confusing...cloak and dagger in a way. It also leaves the poor girl with no agency while the poor boy has to figure out if this could potentially be marriage material when he didn't even know if he liked eating pizza with her. It seemed to confusing to me. Not that this method hasn't worked for thousands of couples. I am just not a big fan.

Instead I have started to think that there is one great love story. The love story between God and man, creator and creation, Redeemer and me. A person who needed (and needs) desperately to be redeemed. And yes, God made the first move, but I responded. And love stories between two people are as unique as the love stories people have about how they met Jesus. Sometimes God shows up and says "I love you, love me" and you do. Sometimes God has been in your life forever, always being there for you until one day you wake up and realize He is who you have been looking for all along. Most times God shows up right when you are ready to be with Him.



However it starts, and at whatever pace. True Christian romances are all uniquely the same: God grows two people in a way that suits both the person and the partner. If you let Him, Christ uses all those imperfections you once thought of as impossible to get around to serve another person, sometimes it makes you uniquely qualified to love each other. God is a romantic and a pursuer of the church. And our love stories point to that.

This girl is PREGNANT

It is 11:21 I am totally beat, everyone else in my house is asleep and I am watching yet another episode of Army Wives on Netflix streaming. Ridiculous.....a little. But I have been having so much trouble sleeping I figure, what the heck. May as well stay awake. I am all of a sudden totally cranky about....well....everything. I am sure the heat doesn't help. It is stinking hot here in July. No wonder we usually leave. I walked three houses down and back, and couldn't figure out if I was sweating or if the humidity was forming itself into droplets on my skin. I have eaten an inordinate amount of popsicles and ice treats, and cannot for the life of me find a red white and blue bomb in this city. Seriously. No where. I have been looking since June.

But the worst part is my brain. I feel like I can't concentrate on anything. At all. I can't read the things I normally would. Articles that I am really super interested in, halfway through I completely loose interest. And after about a year of reading mommy-blogs non-stop I could about scream before I read more advice about doula's or poop. Even though I think both of those things are very very important. And I have been guilty of blogging about the latter. So I am aware I am a total hypocrite. But I can't read anything too dense because I completely flake out. I am trying to follow the Atlanta Public School cheating scandal, and I will literally forget what the heck I am reading when I am half way done with it. That isn't like me, and yet that has totally been me.

Tomorrow I am having lunch with the women in my department and I am sure they will all be lovely and gracious. I just hope I don't sound like a complete idiot.....or talk too much "mom talk".....or shove my foot in my mouth. Okay, the last one is probably inevitable, so not too hard.

On Love and Leadership OR Happy (Belated) Birthday Hubby: You're a good one!

It was Christian's birthday Thursday! Elizabeth took Juliet (starting Wednesday night! You're the best girl. The best!) and we slept in. Then we went out to lunch and went to the grocery store. So exciting I know. But it was the perfect day. We then picked up the Peanut and went to go get ice cream. Finally we came home and Christian went to go play poker. It doesn't sound like much, but Christian and I have come to discover that we are basic kind of people. Simple pleasures work for us. (And the sleeping in, oh the sleeping in!)

But that isn't exactly what I have been meaning to blog about. I have been meaning to blog about how lucky I am to have Christian's leadership in my life. Specifically, his spiritual leadership. I know that there are some women who desire to be in a relationship where they trust their man and he makes the decisions. And I get that in theory...I guess. Who am I kidding, I don't get it, but to each their own I suppose.

But I think that marriage is a lot like raising kids that it looks different for everyone and I say if it works for you (and the Bible doesn't say bad idea) do it. And for us these are some things I have been batting around. I am not saying this is the case for everyone; I am saying this is the case for me.

I am not the easiest person to lead, by anyone. And for Christian....well I think it may feel to him as though he has a cat on a leash. I certainly know that I am pulling sometimes just because I feel like it, not because I have a good reason. But for me I know that I can follow Christian because he loves me so well.

Sometimes I have crazy ideas. Sometimes they are good (the redecoration in the bedroom is shaping up very nicely, and if I get this craigslist dresser under $100), but occasionally I get ahead of myself. When we moved in I really wanted to get chickens. Fresh eggs! They can eat our garbage! Our backyard is huge! It will be sort of fun and eccentric and cost effective! Christian knew better. He was raised around farms. Chickens smell bad, and I can barely keep up with the less than half of the housework that is my responsibility. Now with two under two on the way.....boy am I glad I don't have to go collect eggs. Bending over to get them sounds torturous right now all the while trying to keep the Peanut from plucking feathers out by the fistful and/or not eating the chicken poop....good Lord. (Although the blog fodder would have been priceless....). It was a bad idea.

And when Christian said as much, I was able to listen because he loves me. He consistently has my best interests at heart. Dog because we were new in town and he was gone almost every weekend, okay. Chickens, no. Redecorating, do what I want. He mostly lets me do what I want, so when he says "bad idea" I trust it is one. Plus, it goes both ways. If I am really not down with Christian's plans, he holds off. He hears me. Even when we can't come to an agreement, which is very rarely. I know that I have been heard and my best interests are taken into consideration.

My department head used to love her students into submission. It was unreal. I watched it happen and I still have no clue how she did it. I guess she raised her voice on occasion, but really and truly they believed that she had their best interests at heart and thus they did what she asked.

The best parenting book I have read talks a lot about that. That kids respond to you loving them really well. And setting up loving boundaries is a good thing. Leading kids as parents means setting up situations where it is safe for kids to be them...and sometimes to fail. There wasn't a whole lot of rebelling going on in the house I grew up in. Mostly because we believed that the "No's" weren't arbitrary. We knew our parents wanted what was best for us, and if it wasn't going to hurt us they generally went with "okay".

When I was in Bible study in college one of my leaders called God's boundaries the "electric fence of love". God leads us by loving us. His boundaries are there for a reason, and He only has them because He care about our well being. And sometimes we decide something is a good thing that....well...isn't. Like chickens in the backyard or running my mouth just because I am mad.

When you not only know, but see consistently over time that someone loves you and always has your best interest at heart......it makes following a lot easier.

Today is Red and White day

Every Thursday is Red and White day, all summer at Camp Ray Bird henceforth: CRB (except for discipleship week ....we'll get to that.) The day where the campers learn that Jesus Christ died and rose from the dead for the forgiveness of their sins. They learned about sin on dark day, Wednesday. Gold day is Tuesday, when they learn of the goodness of God, and Green day is Friday, when the campers learn how to grow in the Lord. (If you read your Bible and pray every day then you'll grow, grow, grow.)

Christian and I worked at Camp Ray Bird the summer before we moved to Atlanta (Summer 2006). We had some friends on the speech team who encouraged us to get summer jobs there, so we thought "what the heck." I spent the summer answering phones and messing up registration (seriously....talk about learning about God's grace...) while Christian led activities that the counselors took their campers to. A job you don't normally need a masters degree for (you don't usually need to be old enough to vote....but Christian managed to fit right in.) What goes on is so much more than the sum of the stuff that everyone does there.

The basics are this. Around a thousand kids come through CRB every summer. Almost every single kid qualifies for a reduced fee. $30 for the week. The whole week, overnight, 3 meals and 2 snacks a day, and a t-shirt if they memorize all of their Bible verses. Not to mention swimming everyday, daily activities, crafts, the whole summer camp experience. From where I sit that is less than VBS at some churches, and all the kids eat there is a themed snack.

But the biggest piece is this. The kids are loved at CRB. The counselors, the kitchen staff, the lifeguards, the 16 year olds whose job it is to put the worm on the hook for the 7 year old girls, every single person is there to love campers, even if that means discreetly picking up wet sleeping bags and having them laundered before "horizontal hour." Every worker believes it is their job to love the kids in whatever way they can.Even if it means cleaning toilets or roping off the field for games later that night.

And the kids, even the little ones, can't leave without understanding who Jesus is and exactly how much God loves them. I'm not saying it fixes all their problems or anything, poverty is a beast for sure. But for a week, one week, kids who otherwise wouldn't get the opportunity, get to do summer. Not sit in front of the TV all day because it is too hot or not safe enough in their neighborhood to go outside.There is no public pool in South Bend, so for most of the campers their week at camp is the only week they swim.

Christian and I feel so, so blessed to have been witness to what goes on there, to be able to participate in the ministry. This is the first year we won't be able to visit, even for a weekend. The timing of it all just didn't pan out. I'm praying for the ministry this summer. And praying that the staff can see beyond the grueling hours and incessant needs of the campers to the investment they are making in the name of the Lord. It gets hard sometimes.

And if you feel so called...even if it is just a couple bucks, feel free to click the pay pal button on the Camp Ray Bird website. I worked in the office, and can honestly tell you that NO ONE can stretch a dollar like the CRB staff. I've got details if you want them. Seriously, even 5 bucks will pay for bait for fishing for a week. And by all means put them on your prayer list!

Privilege

Privilege, it seems like the more I avoid writing on something the more I am bombarded with the issue. And privilege is what I have been thinking a lot about lately. It started with the big school move (detailed here). But then I started reflecting on my birth experience to get myself prepped for the next one (post to come soon....I hope) and then there was some sort of public twitter blogger-word-fight about poverty tourism surrounding Heather Armstrong. One of my favorite bloggers, Katie Granju, wrote about the whole thing as did mom-101 and many, many others. And for me it all boils down to privilege, and what responsibility (if any) does privilege come with?

What is privilege? Who decides who is and who isn't? Is it always about money? I feel like I am stepping into a whole pile of stuff that is too deep for me to surf through. But it is what is going on with me, in my life. So here goes nothing.

I realized that I was resenting my new students for the privilege that they have. Their school is beautiful and well maintained. No graffiti in the bathroom stalls, always toilet paper. 20 different AP possibilities to choose from. Every sport imaginable, (including a quidditch club). And as a teacher if I need or want something for my classroom? I simply attach the need to my syllabus and the students have the resources to get it for me. When I say resources, I don't just mean money. They have parents who value education and have the time to be supportive, transportation to the store, an office supply store in their neighborhood. All of the things that set the kids up to succeed. And you know what? It isn't their fault they have all of those things. And it isn't their fault that my old students didn't have all of those things.

But mostly God held up a mirror and said, "Really Abby, a 27 year old able bodied white woman in America, raised in a Christian two parent home.You are going to hold people's privilege against them?" Yeah, rich, I know. I am privileged. As a woman I was born in a place where I didn't have to live in a fear of my womanhood, it didn't equal a death sentence or a mandatory marriage at 15. I was entitled to a free education  until I was 18. And the blessings the Lord bestowed on my family growing up......I could write forever and not get everything down. And yet, I was looking at these kids and blaming them. For all that is unjust in this world. Which isn't fair.

Privilege isn't fair. Some people are born with more than others. And if your in the more category (and if you are reading this, you probably are) what does that mean? What responsibility do we have? This year I hope to teach my students about people who have less than they do. People without safe homes or clean drinking water. I want to inspire them to use the things they have access to to make someone else's life better. And I want them to understand that just because you recognize your privilege, doesn't mean you are saying that you and your parents aren't working hard. It just means you were also blessed.There is no shame in that. But there needs to be some sort of realization that some people work just as hard as you, harder than you and still come up short.

That is why I respect Heather Armstrong so much. She acknowledges her privilege. Recognizes that in a lot of ways she is just really really lucky. And she is using her position as the most successful blogger on the block to benefit other people. People who otherwise I would never think or hear about. That is what I want to do with my students. Inspire them to use their privilege for good.

What have you done for ME lately?

We took the two oldest of the Grimes clan (remember, we kiddo swap with them) with us to the drive-in on Wednesday. We may have used the borrowed trucks bed as a giant sized kiddie corral. It was fun. We saw Cars 2 and I was reminded that when we first started watching the kids the oldest (we'll call him J) was always telling us how cool Lightning McQueen was. Only he used the t sound for the c sound and thus was always telling us how tool Lightning MtTween was. It was hilarious. He now pronounces everything correctly and also thoroughly enjoyed the movie. Impressively he stayed up for the whole thing.

On the way home the girls were conked out, but J wanted to know where his youngest brother (S) was and if he would be at the house. I told J that S would be staying the night with a friend of mommy's. But I couldn't remember the name of said friend and was trying to get J to understand. So I asked if he remembered the church he went to with mommy before they moved, the one they still go to with Grandpa and Nanny. But I wasn't speaking his language. Because of the every other weekend custody agreement, the kids have 2 churches that are "their church." But it all got confused when I was using my labels. J let me know how he keeps track by asking me, "Do you mean the doughnut church, or the lollipop church?" At 1027, J gets doughnuts. At his other church, the kids get lollipops. It is a great way to keep the churches straight in a 5 year old mind. I have since started using those labels.

Here is the thing though. I realized I do this too. I label the church, my neighborhood, my school and for me especially my relationships based on what I am getting out of them. That is my fun friend, that is my mom-advice friend, that is my God friend, and sometimes I think, that friend isn't getting me anything.....why is she in my life again? Why go to the doughnut church if the doughnuts have stopped coming? Why go to the lollipop church if the candy counter is closed?

I'm not saying it isn't important to make sure we are being fed. Or that we shouldn't have our needs met by the church, or the relationships we participate in. I am just saying.....Maybe my primary label of people shouldn't be all about what they can get me.

Man, I was intending this post to be light. And here I go exposing my dirty under-belly for all the internet to see.....

My pain ain't your pain

In less than three months I am going to give birth again.....and I am PUMPED. I know that may sound totally bizarre to some. I know women who have only had one child that cite child birth as the main reason they didn't have another. It is always something along the lines of making a deal with God that if the epidural worked they would NEVER get themselves in that position again.But for me it wasn't like that.

Maybe it was because I had an AWESOME book that is now out of print (I looked into getting it for a friend, but $68, ouch). Maybe it is because I have a high pain tolerance after years of fibromyalgia. Maybe it is because I know LOTS of women who gave birth sans pain meds and are really positive about their birth experiences. But for me birthing babies is a little like what people describe in running marathons. Yes, it hurts, yes there are moments when I feel like I cannot do it. But then you keep going and at the end it is AWESOME and you feel so accomplished, and the natural high that your body gives you.........I don't have anything to compare it to, but I am told that a high like that is very expensive and can have some weird side effects. 

But not every woman comes into the hospital laughing about 6 or 7 centimeters. The nurses were certainly surprised. And not every woman had all the awesome opportunities and support I had. And pain is a really. really, personal thing. Like so personal that we can never experience each others. We can both stick our thumb in the exact same place and get hit by the exact same hammer at the exact same force, and yet....it could very well not be the same pain. Who knows. We'll never know. Maybe your thumb is super sensitive. Maybe you literally have more pain receptors than I do (people don't have the same amount, isn't that crazy?)Maybe my nerves over-react to certain stimuli. It isn't the same. It never will be.

When you have a muscle disorder for as long as I did, you start thinking about pain, reading about it. The studies about chronic pain are beyond depressing. You actually lose IQ points if you are in chronic pain long enough. You wonder how a body that looks healthy can be in that much pain. You literally forget the sensation of "pain free." I started to wonder about the pain scale at the hospital. "On a scale of one to ten..." At my worst I calculated that I walked around everyday with what I would describe as a 6.....so what did that mean, was 6 my new zero? Did my scale now go from 6-16 while yours capped at 10? Could I feel more pain than you......like my body had somehow gotten good at it? Would I even notice a 2, or would that now seem like relief. Like a 2 for me would now be like you with an Oxycotin?

 It was all so strange to think about. We can talk about it, and describe and calculate and attempt to define. But we can't ever experience someone else's pain. And we shouldn't pretend that we do. I know what it is like to be told it can't possibly hurt that bad when you are doing everything you can not to sob uncontrollably and scream the exploitive that rhymes with duck. So do you need an epidural. I don't know. I'm not you, I can't actually feel your pain.

I think spiritual-emotional pain is a lot like physical pain. For whatever reason some things that seem the same from the outside, break ups, parental abandonment, heck even a harsh word don't always hit the same spot in the same way. We certainly don't feel them in the same way. I have two sisters, and Emily (the oldest) seems to be built less sensitive than I am. Things don't hit her in the same way. But when I call her crying because....oh who knows why, but my feelings are hurt again.....she doesn't tell me that it doesn't hurt, that I shouldn't be crying. She acknowledges my pain and helps me figure out how to move on.

I however, am often not so gracious. When people are talking about what a difficult time they are having I sometimes am rolling my eyes internally. I want to shout "GET OVER IT! YOU DON'T HAVE PROBLEMS!" But they do. They are hurting, their spiritual nerves are shot. Maybe I would rate their pain as a 2 but I am not the one who is experiencing it. Maybe it is an 8. I wouldn't know. Often times people are hollowing because there was already a bruise there, you know? I will just have to trust them and hear them and be a little more empathetic. Because your pain, ain't my pain.

Discipline.....

I don't think you can be a disciple without discipline. There are so many awesome examples of disciplined people in my life (my mom's cup of tea with her Bible and prayer journal open at "her place" at the breakfast table are a firm mental picture in my head.) But, it is something I struggle with, and something I am really struggling with when it comes to writing, I have quite a few projects on my plate right now. Any suggestions? I need help!

Saved, Healed, and Delivered Awesome

Well I am home in Toledo.

I left Toledo Saved. I return home saved healed and delivered. GSA was a life changer. I will be telling you more about it in days to come, for now I repeat the words of a man that walked the same streets and cornfields as I did when a boy and who went to be with the Lord at a young age after blessing the Church and the World with these words. "My God is an awesome God He reigns from Heaven above with wisdom POWER and Love my God is an Awesome God" Richy Mullins.

Won't you be my neighbor?

Sometimes I think modern christians have the tendency to complicate some issues. We have, I love my neighbor month at 1027 church, which I love. We often explore the issue of who exactly our neighbor is. And I have a book on my kindle that I am slowly working my way through that argues that now that we are in a digital age and aware of problems we never would have been aware of back in the day, we have a larger group we need to be calling neighbor. Google expands our virtual neighborhood.

But you know who else is my neighbor....um.....my neighbors. The people who actually live in my neighborhood, in the houses next to mine. Yeah, them. A few weeks ago someone knocked on my door and wanted jumper cables. I could do that. Heck, he didn't even need me to hook 'em up, just go to my car and get them. I almost didn't look because I didn't feel like it. But I did, which is good since I would have had to admit it right here if I hadn't. Wow, that would've sucked.

Tomorrow I have the opportunity to love on my actual neighbors in my actual neighborhood. I am super excited. I have this opportunity because my neighbor Brooke (the one who spiffied my blog up) goes to the neighborhood meetings and helps with passing out the neighborhood letter is in the know. She heard there was a kids carnival being put on by a church in the neighborhood and they needed a face painter. She signed me up!

When I was a girl scout my mom decided that for the purposes of our troop, painting faces beat raking leaves when it came to the service hour requirements. So we spent a couple hours practicing on each other and then signed up for some local festivals. Painting faces is way more fun than raking leaves. Especially when you are sixteen, or pregnant (or both but hopefully not because the girls on that tv show have it rough). I got to face paint last year at the Virginia Highland Summerfest. Our church sits right in the middle of that street festival and there is no where to park that sunday so we are encouraged to volunteer. Christian and I have always volunteered at the kids center because we like kids. And they ALWAYS need people.

Last year the Peanut was just a couple weeks old. We weren't really sure how that was all going to shake out so we didn't volunteer. But when the day came we felt like we could manage, as long as we could take the baby. And the kids place was again desperate for volunteers. When we offered our services the woman in charge said something like "what I really need is face painters, please tell me one of you can face paint!" And I could! The best part of face painting is this, people let you lay hand on their kids. It is socially appropriate to touch a shoulder or hold a chin gently still. And while you do you can pray over that child. It was awesome.

So when Brooke heard they needed face painters she said "my friend can do that!" and I have been spending the last forty minutes looking through google image search and bookmarking my favorite designs so I will have some choices for the kids to pick from. I have found that if you just say "what do you want" sometimes the choosing takes more time than the painting (and there is always a line). And sometimes you get requests that are very difficult to fulfill (I want a snake eating a badger...a HONEY badger....and a bear is eating the snake...can you do that....PLEASE....just try....that doesn't look right.....can I have something else?). Also, my design ideas tend to be sort of girl centric. I only have neices and daughters. I learned to face paint through the girl scouts, and then we would go paint brownie troops. I am awesome at hearts and rainbows, butterflies and schools of dolphins, fairies that rest on one cheek and spit magical swirls all over the little girls face out of her star shaped wand. A boy shows up I am all....a BLUE heart? how about a baseball....you don't like sport? I can write X-MEN on your cheek...I can draw a green squiggly line and call it a snake. But I found some awesome batman/spider man masks I can paint and a snake or shark that opens its mouth when you open yours!

I am so excited. And I wouldn't have had this opportunity if Brooke wasn't purposeful about plugging into our neighborhood. If you don't ask, how do you know what people need? If you don't put yourself in a place like the community meeting, you won't know they need face painters.

The best part about face painting is if you mess up, a new design is just a single wet wipe away.

Here comes SUMMER!

Summer school ends Tuesday. We are reviewing for our tests and taking finals and then I am DONE (Imagine the sing-song voice my mom always uses when she is excited that I used to think was nerdy. Yeah. I do that.) I am so very grateful that God provided a pretty easy way to store up for maternity leave, yes I sure am. It hasn't been that bad and I still get all of July off. Plus, I am only going back to school for about a month and a half and then am off until January, so I should have enough time off to not go into the mental ward.

But boy am I chomping at the bit for this all to be over!!!! I have been downloading free chick lit onto my Kindle, coming up with to do lists of how to re-arrange my house. Scheming ways to get to the ocean beach one more time this summer. (Man I really want to take the Peanut....) I am ready to sleep whenever the Peanut sleeps all day if I want to, go to the farmers market and buy whatever I want to eat for that day, make dessert, Christmas shop ( I know it is weird but I like to do it when I have time....not jam it all into December.), wander around IKEA. I want to not tell a teenager to stop talking for a whole month. And I can Tuesday at noon. IT IS SO CLOSE!

Child-care sharing: How does that work?

So, we child-care share. Or co-op or whatever else you want to call it. Bottom line is we don't pay for child care because God has lead us into this awesome relationship that we believe not only benefits our wallets, but also our kiddo(s). It is working, and all systems seem to be at go for next year as well. Christian has to get his schedule and then we will figure out the details, but both our and Elizabeth's desire is to continue the arrangement next year. (I was a little nervous when I got pregnant, it is like, "Hey you will have an extra infant next year I hope you don't mind"....when she told me she hoped it was the twins I was so relieved. But if God gives us another kid pretty soon....which we are hoping Hdoesn't.....or if this is the twins.....I don't think so but you never know, I just know they are coming.........He will have to giver her a new van. Which we are praying God will do anyway. Lady needs air conditioning, and a radio, and maybe some remote sliding doors!)

Our arrangement rocks, and I have had more than one person ask me about it because it works so well for us. And because it has NOT worked for some other people I have talked to. It also seems to be a very popular idea recently. I have seen a lot written about it. I think my generation likes to put a label on things (join a child-care co-op!) our parents and grand parents have been doing for years (watching each others kids...duh) and then claiming them as a bold new-fangled parenting solution for the  modern world! As I have been thinking about this I have figured out some things that make our arrangement particularly succesful.

Parenting Styles: We parent in a very similar way as Elizabeth. If you aren't down with the way someone parents that is fine, but I think it is unreasonable to drop your kid off at their house with their kids and then insist that you do XYZ with little Logan, please follow the same rules. Food allergies and other legitimatly special needs issues are different. But don't expect your friend to take care of your kid with a whole different set of rules than she takes care of hers. And mostly we follow the who/how rule. I trust who I leave my kids with so I don't worry about how every single thing goes down. If you are a micro-manager then you need to pay some one. That way it isn't uncomfortable when you boss them around.

Friendly arrangement or Business: Decide early, is this a business arrangement with set times, or a set number of hours a week? Or is it more loosey goosey like we have a mutual understanding that when we call each other we will say yes if at all possible? Are extra times "allowed"? Will you try to keep that even-stephen too? We started with set times. The peanut went there Tuesday and Thursday and we watched the Grimes clan on Monday and Friday. Now we have a general two day two night arrangement. Elizabeth lets us know when she is working when she gets her schedule and the Peanut goes over there when Christian decides is best for him. If we need extra, we ask but don't expect anything. It works for us.

How many: Elizabeth has three kids, we only have one. It doesn't bother us. We don't have some sort of formula where our hours equal more becuase there are more kids. Her kids are older so I don't have to dress or change all but her youngest. They aren't likely to eat something and force me to call poison control because they have surpassed the "stick everything in your mouth" stage (I'm looking at you Peanut....). I can leave them in a room for a minute and trust they aren't going to hurt themselves. Plus, we put the kids to bed not very long after Elizabeth leaves, so half of our time babysitting is spent watching Netflix on the couch. But for some people number of kids is a big deal. Not everyone would sign up to watch 5 children 6 and under......welcome to January '12!

The Age Gap: For some having everyone in the same stage is helpfu, for us I think it works better that they are not in the same age range. Part of it is personality.....adult personality. I love my babies but I am not a baby snatcher by nature. I won't stalk you at church to grab your new born and smell her tiny head. I have found the Peanut much more enjoyable to spend the day with since about her birthday. But Elizabeth, holy baby lover. The teeny feet, the little cries she loves to walk around with a baby in the sling (which is good because in just a few short months I have a tenant for that sling!) and lament how much bigger they have gotten in the week she hasn't seen them. She doesn't find the infant stage to be as draining as I do. Meanwhile, I dig school age kids. I like answering "why" and explaining things in a way a kid understands. I just find kids funnier and much easier to deal with when we can actually understand each other. Christian is pretty even in the developmental preferences so that evens everything out. I guess.

Grace: Ultimately it takes some grace to make this arrangement work. You have to give it, and you have to make sure you are  not taking advantage of too much grace taken not enough extended. That shakes out a little differently for everyone, but too many arrangements that I have heard of erode into one person being the free baby-sitter for the other family and quietly resenting it.

Can you speak up: If you need to re-work, or end the arrangement are you the kind of person who can? If you keep saying "yes" then some of that frustration you are feeling needs to rest on you. Do you trust God enough to know when this relationship ends another way will open up? At some point Elizabeth may get a day job, our kids will be in school when I am, Christian may get a ridiculously high paying job and I will homeschool, Elizabeth will become a best selling author and go on her book tour for two months. We will both be best selling authors and go on matching book tours and leave all the kids with Christian for two months (Thanks honey, you are the best!) Whatever the case may be, it ain't forever. And that is okay. But when the time comes, somebody needs to say something.

I think that God put this relationship in our lap for a variety of reasons. One of the pastors at our church said that us doing this for each other is the gospel being lived out. It sure feels like it. And imagine if this were the norm at churches, that people truly live lives together and meet each others needs. Heck, if people were regularly doing this for each other I think people would show up at churches in droves just to get in on the action!

Friends don't let friends......

There is a rule I have. One this: Friends don't let friends be a-holes. And if you are really my friend, and I am really being an a-hole, you will tell me to knock it off. If you let me continue to be an a-hole without my knowledge....maybe you aren't as great of a friend as I thought you were.

I have been really lucky blessed in this area of my life. My sisters have always kept me on the hook, whether it was asking me tough questions about purity in High school, or telling me I better get off my high horse before I get knocked off.

My best pal from the 6th grade, Diane, was an AMAZING accountability partner all through Jr. High and High school. And I am not the easiest person to hold accountable. I have the tendency to get a little defensive. In pre-marital counseling we took some test and Christian and I both rated me super high in hostility. Then I got hostile about it when my mom and future husband were giggling about the fact that I didn't seem to already know this about myself. I may have been standing in my childhood living room yelling "Hostile! I'm not hostile! I don't know what everyone thinks is so FUNNY! I AM NEVER HOSTILE! FINE! I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT THIS!"

Sometimes, when Diane would call me out on my less than Godly attitude or behavior I would often have a million reasons to justify my behavior. It wasn't wrong. I wasn't wrong. I was completely justified in my behavior. It was good for me to be.....doing whatever I wanted to. Especially the stuff that wasn't good for me. And she was a good enough friend to not let me get away with that crap. She would stand firm, tell me it didn't matter what I said to justify it. My behavior was not Godly. Inevitably I would call back at most a few days later letting her know she was right. Could she pray for me. She already was.

Between my freshman and sophomore years of college I went on project with Campus Crusade. I ended up living in a house all summer with 8 other women. And I learned there that if you really loved someone, you wouldn't let them get away with being a butt. Yeah, a lot of times it is easier for people to just go on their merry way. What they do between them and God is really none of your business. You don't want to hurt the relationship between you and her. Plus....sometimes.....it can get awkward. The problem with this line of thinking is that ultimately it is selfish. I don't want to be uncomfortable so I am going to continue to allow you to hurt yourself. Mostly because I don't feel like saying anything.

I know you have to develop a relationship and all of that before you can dive in. Recently a friend called me out on an attitude problem I was having. Then I tried to justify it. Then she laughed and said "You can think that if you want to, but I am pretty sure that isn't the way God works." Not unkindly, it was just that I was soooo being in the flesh right then. And we both knew my nature was seeping through. I have grown up since the days of a phone call three days later. I laughed and said she was right. I am so glad she loves me enough to not want me to be an a-hole.

Why do all the best mommy stories, have to do with poop?

I want to know, why do all the best most hilarious mothering stories have to do with poop? At least at this stage. Perhaps it is because at this stage the kids are not old enough to say loud and inappropriate things at the worst times. And if I am honest with myself, I sometimes say loud and inappropriate things when I am certainly old enough to know better. So I probably have that stuff coming to me.

I have never been very squeamish about much. I don't like blood and have almost passed out at first aid presentations. But that was in junior high, I have gotten a lot better since then. I can even watch Grey's Anatomy without closing my eyes. But bad smells and generally disgusting bodily fluids I have always been able to deal with pretty well. Except when I am pregnant. My gag reflex and sense of smell kicks in to overdrive.

WARNING: This is the part where I start telling hilarious poop stories. Well, hopefully hilarious.

I found this out last year at the Sunday after Thanksgiving  dinner my mom was hosting. The Scientist (Em's second) was hopping out of her seat and running back and forth around the table. The Scientist ran out of the room and when she came back she was swinging something back and forth. It was her diaper. And more importantly, as the Star (Em's oldest) so aptly pointed out from the other side of the table as she stood on her chair, pointed, and yelled IT'S POOP! Emily was stuck behind our overly crowded table and thus could not get to the Scientist. So Jill grabbed the Scientist and I snatched the diaper. Jill cleaned her up so before the Scientist could sit on anything while I went to three different trash cans before I found an unoccupied bathroom where I could throw the offending object away. Then I went outside to make sure that if I threw up it would be in the bushes.

Recently, Christian was helping people move and I was at home with the peanut. Our disposable diapers have snaps, but for whatever reason I grabbed a random hand me down diaper that was Velcro at the top. Hey, it matched the cutest little dress I put her in. I needed to run upstairs and check the laundry really quickly, so I left the Peanut in her nursery playing while I ran upstairs. I got distracted and the next thing I knew the Peanut was calling MAMA from the top of the stairs......with a diaper trailing behind her. Upon closer inspection there was a turd trailing out of that diaper. I stripped the Peanut and left her in the bathroom (after making sure she would be safe in there) while I simultaneously tried not to puke and picked up her little trail, and bleached the floor. This is the story that makes people crack up laughing.

And then last week I was babysitting, and I had to change the youngest's diaper. And I realized I was making gagging noises and disgusting faces because he was mimicking every single thing my face was doing. Then I was laughing, gagging, making faces, and changing the diaper. It was as amusing as he thought it was.

So really, is this just the phase of parenting I am in right now. The poop story phase? I can't wait to get into the "inappropriate and hysterical comment" stage. I was reminded yesterday that the Star spent a good portion of the French and Indian War re-enactment last summer yelling "I can see that Indian's BUTT!" I guess that is funnier than poop. But it still has to do with butts.....

Baby Update

Dang, I was reading back through some entries and it is amazing to me what already makes sense to me, just a few months ago I was feeling the need to call out for mercy, but what the heck did that mean?

Well, it seems to mean that instead of the two boys I would need a whole bunch of new stuff for I am getting a beautiful wonderful second baby girl. And the morning after the ultrasound as I was driving to work it suddenly occurred to me that I didn't HAVE to buy anything for this baby. I will buy a few things so she can have some things all her own, and I am sure other people will as well. But I don't have to plan or list or anything. I just have to take this kid home. So easy. So awesome. Getting very excited.

While my first trimester was a lot harder this time around mostly I am shocked by my neutral appetite. I am just not that hungry. And I still fit into my regular jeans. I doubt this is coincidental. The ones I bought BEFORE the Peanut even. I really need to find the time to post some belly pics to Facebook because I look much better this time around.

God providing. I am already halfway through summer school. Clearly someone was praying there would be enough kids because I needed about ten and I have 22. They definitely needed me. And there is some other "random" money coming in. Maternity leave is abundantly covered.

New School. Someone contacted me and through the wonders of Facebook we figured out we knew some mutual friends that I don't know very well but I have a LOT of respect for their world view. I am very much at peace about what will happen next year.

Writing the book. I am doing it. It is still easier for me to not think about it and just do it. But I am doing it.

Mostly, I am amazed at the peace and grace God has given me when my default method of coping is clearly freaking out. Thanks God.

Adventures in Abbyland

I have noticed some things about myself. Things I have noticed before, but they have been peeping out as I have had a week and some change of mostly just being with me. Most notably, I get myself in situations I am not entirely sure I will be able to get myself out of. I just wing and a prayer it and think "this will probably work out" and most of the time it does. I drive far too long on a gas tank that has been sitting on E far too long. (I know for a fact the CRV can make it 60 miles round trip if you turn the car on and the get gas light is on.) I only ran out of gas one time. And the one time I did run out of gas in college, I called someone and they fixed it. No problem. I once showed up to get an entertainment center off Craigslist only to discover the CRV was about two inches too small in the opening. But my friend with a truck wasn't working that day and she and her husband came to rescue me. No problem.

Recently that same friend lent me that same truck because the Volvo-wagon is currently out of commission. And me with a truck is probably not the best idea. First, I have a tendency to over estimate what I can lift, drag, carry on my own. Second, I have TERRIBLE spacial awareness. That pre-school skill where you practice figuring out which item fits in which box without actually putting the item in the box.....I could use some work. So I have some trouble figuring out what could go in the bed of the truck and what could not. I just think, "Hey I drive a truck, I can get that!"

Yesterday I went to Lowe's to pick up the supplies for the headboard I am going to be making. I picked up an eight foot by four foot piece of ply wood, paid for it and attempted to load it into the bed of the truck that was so clearly NOT eight feet long even I was wondering if this was going to work when I whipped out my credit card. You should have seen my pregnant self struggling to cart the giant piece of wood around, then push it out of the store, before finally schlepping it into the truck bed. Where it didn't fit. And it was light and blowing and bending in the wind. Luckily, and honestly this was the way I expected it to go, some nice man came by and pushed the wood so that is was wedged underneath the box and only sticking out maybe two feet. (Hey, I live in the south I am allowed to expect some nice man will help out a struggling little big pregnant lady.)

Then I had to drive home and get this thing into my house by myself. Which, surprisingly, I did with only a few splinters to show for it. Then I had to get the thing upstairs. I had decided that I was going to get it upstairs before I painted it. Because I knew that there was a chance the giant board would not fit up the awkward narrow staircase we call our own. And I was not going to invest my time and paint on this thing only to have Christian come home and let me know I could either saw it in half or abandon it. But I did manage to get it around and up the staircase! All by myself! And now that I put the bottom coat on it occurred to me this morning that I didn't measure the space I want to hang this thing on.........hmmmmm.........

Oh well, I am sure it will work out.......

Missing You

This weekend I went to the beach with Elizabeth and her kids. It was awesome. But I did cry when I got there because I could imagine how much the Peanut would like to splash in the water and dig (and eat) in the sand. I wanted to slather her with sunscreen and have her experience it all. And I wanted Christian there with me too. Since we have been married we always go to a new place every summer. We love traveling together and know how spoiled we are that we get to take summers to do that. This year, unless we take a quick vacation to Savannah or back to the beach, we don't really have plans to do that.

On Sunday Elizabeth's kids decided they would rather chill at the pool than go back to the beach. So I took the minivan and headed out by myself. I had some really great God time, and wept as I heard what the Lord spoke into my heart. Mostly, I miss you. This here, the ocean, the beach, the warm breeze. I put it here for you to enjoy, and I was hoping we could enjoy it together. I want us to spend time together again.

Since becoming a mom I have never quite recovered from the hectic-ness of it all. I tend to spend snippets here and there with God. But picking up my Bible, reading and meditating have not happened very often if at all. God has been so gracious in showing up despite my lack of time or discipline. But I miss the concentrated time I used to have too. And I was pretty humbled that the Lord cares enough about me to miss me individually. I think sometimes I figure He has enough to worry about and surely He doesn't mind that I have been lacking in calling. But He does.

GSSM Day 4

GSSM Day 4

Today Sergio Scataglini taught and ministered to us all day long on Holiness. All day Long. Here is a man who regularly ministers to tens and hundreds of thousands of people, one of the mot famous evangelists in South America if not the World and he is spending a whole day with 60 students. God must think we are pretty important to his kingdom. I agree with God. In the morning while Sergio taught the Holy spirit fell and this time I wept uncontrollably as God gave me a new vision and the specifics of a calling I have been carrying for awhile.

Sergio taught on Holiness. To love Holiness. The Bible calls it the beauty of Holineass, not the duty of Holiness. This makes sense to me. Graham Cook said, One thing we know about people they will do what they want. Bill Johnson said, “when you know who you are you won’t want to be anyone else”. Larry Randolph says that before there was a universe God dreamed you. The Bible says that he prepared works for you to do from before the foundations of the earth. How is this possible only in a dream from God. When you find out what that dream is (how heaven sees you) You will come in line entrain with that dream. That’s repentance. When the entrainment is complete you will be who you are and you won’t want to be anyone else. That desire is the beauty of Holiness.

Okay

I follow Priscilla Shire's blog. It is pretty great. Every month she posts a new devotional in the section she calls the jewelry box. This month she posted about two letters. O.K. You should really go read it, but essentially she writes on how powerful those words can be. Not in a sarcastic, or dismissive tone but used in a way that says "I heard you; I trust that you heard me. I will not add any more strife to this conversation." I have noticed how powerful those words can be  because I have spent the school year working under a principal who uses them well.

People come to him with concerns. Sometimes they are valid, sometimes they aren't. When you work with as many teachers as are at my school you simply can't make everyone happy. Teachers are notorious for having gone into the profession because they get to be completely in charge of their own space. They like to be the ones telling what to do.....not the other way around. Making decisions based on what one person is telling you is probably not the best route. So he listens and says okay. Then you have to let him decide what is going to be the best way to handle the situation. Sometimes, he has a really good reason for not changing anything. Sometimes, things get changed.

Lately, with the school situation. I have heard God telling me OK. In the exact same way Mr. Sims says it. OK, I have heard you. OK, I am taking what you say into consideration. OK, I need you to let me handle it now.

This year I also learned the power of OK in my classroom. When a student won't budge, when they are being belligerent. When they are making decisions that I cannot allow in my room, and are refusing to see reason. The staff was instructed to not get into the argument, to simply say "OK" let the chips fall where they may, and let the consequences say the rest. The scary thing about this is I don't win. I want the student to KNOW I am right, to hear what I have to say, to get what I think is an adequate punishment. But I can talk forever and still not get that from a student. Sometimes when you have had your say, and things aren't immediately flipping to your side you need to trust that it will all shake out in the end and say OK.

I have been in situations before where I hear the Lord say to me OK. When I am refusing to do what He asks, when I know the better way but am not following it. When I have been railing against His plan I hear "okay" and no that God is saddened by the decisions that separate myself from Him, but that He is going to allow me to suffer the consequences, and be there when I finally decide to do it His way and ask Him to pick up the pieces.

But the OK that has been pressing on my heart most is the one that God has asked me for. The one I finally gave Him yesterday. Where I can say truly, OK. You want me at Roswell? OK. You want me to drive far and serve a suburban population? OK. And not OK...but I don't like it. OK....but I have better ideas...but this is stupid.....but....but....but. Just OK.

GSSM Day 3

Today there was great teaching in the morning but the Afternoon was amazing. Shara ( she was Heidi Baker's assistant for 2 years) who was our teacher in the morning had assembled a world class and I mean WORLD CLASS prophetic team and they prophesied over every student publicly (it only took 5 hours). I was called out early (the words they gave me were amazing) and Shara told me to go over to the corner and minister to anyone who wanted more of the Holy Spirit. (She must have noticed I had been flat on my back laughing uncontrollably during the activation period and was having fits of laughter while we where praying Bible verses in small groups. I now know this behavior scores you big points in Supernatural ministry school. Who knew?) You can imagine nobody in that group wanted more of the Holy Spirit. I prayed for other students for about an hour which gave me an Idea of what the Prophetic team was doing for 5 hours and it was exhausting but of course an amazing privilege and I was super blessed that my fellow students would trust me to partner with them in there pursuit of more Holy Spirit. My fellow students are so awesome and so hungry.